Macleay Argus by Tony Vermeer

Martial arts expert, Bob Jones, has a million funny stories to tell about the antics of the celebrities he has worked with.

Jones, who heads his own company, called the Bob Jones Corporation, works in conjunction with entrepreneur, Paul Dainty in supplying bodyguards for the more famous showbusiness acts that tour this country.

A black belt master in the art of Zen Do Kai, Jones was in Kempsey recently to establish another of his schools that now number more than 120 throughout the country. Jones has worked for just about all the big names in the rock industry, including Fleetwood Mar, considered the world''s best band.

While on tour, Bob and his team of five highly trained bodyguards stick closely with each member of the band. After a time, Bob believes a certain empathy is established between the stars and their protectors. And of course this close contact is bound to lead to some funny anecdotes.

Bob recalls that Mick Fleetwood, one of the founding members of Fleetwood Mac, has a penchant for practical jokes. One example especially stands out in) his mind.

Bob said: "Mick is always prepared to play a practical joke anywhere. On this occasion the barrel was touring, Japan and we were staying in a luxury hotel also occupied by a lot of other distinguished Japanese businessmen. Mick and I got into a lift packed with these businessmen. Now Mick, who''s about six foot eight, and me, at just over six foot, really stood out among these short, inscrutable gentlemen. As the lift doors were closing, Mick pushed his hand between them and they jumped back. He kept doing this until on the third or fourth time, his hand fell off and blood spurted from his wrist. Of course, he was using a plastic fake hand and blood capsules, but the serious Japanese didn''t know. You should have seen their faces."

Bob also remembers many wild times with the English group Bad Company, who he reckons really lived up to their name. He cites them as being the "best ragers" he''s ever worked with.

At one particular hotel, the band stuck all the furniture in their rooms on the ceiling, when Bob walked in he felt he was standing upside down. On another occasion, the lead singer of the band (which was atl the time staying at one of Sydney''s most exclusive hotels) set off the automatic sprinkler system on the fifth floor by standing (naked) on top of a chair with lighted newspaper.

Bob said: "The automatic smoke sensors went wild and sent a cascade of water dow from the ceiling.The band knocked on my door, laughing hysterically, and told me it was ''raining'' inside. There was so much water in the place that a little river started flowing down the hall. "Needless to say, the. band was banned from the hotel for life."